Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
