So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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