my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it glows. i had to have it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
