He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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