cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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