he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i would punch a child for taco bell
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
