my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
too bad you live with your parents still
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
