Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
