if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
