She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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