oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
