I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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