you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
