the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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