so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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