If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
