The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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