i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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