I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
