My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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