Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
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The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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