you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
