Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
