i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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