Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
