ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
