She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
