When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
