my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
