he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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