I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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