I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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