Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
