dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
