wrigley field is MILF paradise
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
