I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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