In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
