Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
