Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
