wrigley field is MILF paradise
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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