Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
