it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
