Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
