my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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