I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
