So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
