I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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