Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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