I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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