Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
