His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize