At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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