What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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