She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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