I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
