I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
