Where is the hickey?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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