This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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