I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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