Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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