are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
did i just pee glitter
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
