if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
