1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize