onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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