Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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