Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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