is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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