so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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