i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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