It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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